Ever wonder why even though you repeat yourself over and over, you still wind-up feeling as though you have not been heard? Here are some keys to help develop communication skills that help us be heard as well as hear others.

1. Connection. Communication is more about connection than it is about the words we are saying. We know that we have not connected with an individual if we have repeated ourselves over and over again. Use this as an indication that you are not connecting in the way you want to.

2. Safety. When we feel safe with someone and someone feels safe with us then we can have honest and open communication. We won’t feel guarded, judged, or fearful. We create a sense of safety when we learn to trust ourselves and in trusting ourselves we then learn to set boundaries. Boundaries help us to be safe and gain respect from others.

3. Vulnerability. When we feel safe we can allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Vulnerability opens up the lines of communication; it allows another person to share parts of themselves they might not share otherwise. Safety and vulnerability allow for intimacy.

4. Listening. Active listening means that you are totally and completely present. Being present means that you do not have your own agenda going on in your head when talking with someone. When you are totally present your agenda will disappear. If you are in your own thoughts that can be in indication for you that you are not actively listening. It is a matter of being conscious of yourself and the other person in the moment.

Conflict is a sign that the psyche is trying to survive, to get its needs met and become whole. Conflict is natural and does not need to be destructive. What we need is a tool kit to support us through conflict. Communication, safety, openness, and listening are some of those tools. Imago is a powerful process for healing relationships. Two books about the Imago process are “Getting the Love You Want” for couples, and “Keeping the Love You Find” by Harvelle Hendrix.

Lorraine Edey, LCSW, PhD is a Life, Relationship and Retirement Coach. For more information call Coaching Inspirations at 321-288-0692.